None of us are born adults. We learn everything along the way as we grow. As children, we learn to negotiate the world around us and to form connections with others—beginning with our parents or primary caregivers. Our experiences during these formative years form the basis on which we navigate life and relationships.

We all carry something from our childhood into our adult world—a mix of positive and negative imprints and memories. Some children were forced to grow up too fast and take on the role of a parent (parenting the parent) much before they were ready. In other cases, they felt unseen during childhood and perhaps didn’t receive normal parental care. Some others experienced losses or abuse during childhood.

All of these experiences stay as unresolved emotional pain within the adult self. And in most cases stay unidentified. Hence, you don't know why you always feel depressed, anxious, victimized, or disappointed. And wonder why you take impulsive decisions that are self-sabotaging.

All such unresolved baggage shows up as a pattern in life again and again. It is based on a false narrative. This narrative that has been running on loop since childhood. Experiences of abuse, neglect, or trauma show up in adulthood as explosive anger, isolation, bad relationship choices, negative self-talk, feelings of being overwhelmed, being a people pleaser etc.

It is important therefore to reframe your narrative. Constantly reflecting on your childhood without reframing it can cause you to become stuck in a cycle of victimhood. These stories give you comfort but form a mentally debilitating cycle. Inner child work, like any type of inner work, involves creating a safe space where your subconscious is allowed to take the lead. To go within, to explore your true feelings, go over trigger points way back in childhood – and then reframe your stories. You will be reparenting yourself!

What is truly special about inner child work is its intention to speak to the inner child through a language that is understood, a language of love. One that is anchored in and embodied by emotions and not expressed through intellectual thoughts and words. It is a form of introspection that focuses on acknowledging childhood trauma to move toward a path of healing by addressing our unmet needs by reparenting ourselves.

If you resonate with any of the above, it’s time to do some self-care. Take help if you require, but re-write your narrative and move beyond.

“She held herself until the sobs of the child inside subsided entirely. I love you, she told herself. It will all be okay.” ― H Raven Rose, Shadow Selves